i am disgusted about how everything can go wrong in one instence and.... the whole time i knew..... so what makes it worse is that it always plays off my weaknesses and thats just cheap and i think if a person or thing is do something like this then why even be around me in the first place...

see things NOW take AFFECT...

everything HAS CHANGED...

he now wants it just to be US...

before he was still leangering on her....

fuck 

FUCK  ... i just can't say it enough... he was still fucking attched to her and all this time playing me for a fool, fuck him, what in gods name would make a person act this way.. not even the heartless asshole of a father would do this to me..fuck him... fuck them both..

..

its just i can't get it out of my mind... thinking of how he just fucked her.. not drunk not anything and all because of what...

NOT A DAMN THING,

fucking men...

they say were bad... were not really that bad unless you pull this shit, and he expects me to just forgive him, he put me threw hell and back for my shit and he expects to get off scott free....

and if thats how he wants to play.. then he can go play with someone else i just don't have the time for this... just NO MORE

play on my weaknesses...

FUCK

tell me bullshit of wanting kids, of wanting to settle down.. saying that NOW i'm "hired" like that is going to do you any good... just because you couldn't nor wouldn't see that the bitch you fucked was just another fucking hoodrat that comes around with a fucking loose ass pussy because she just dosn't understand HOW to KEEP her LEGS CLOSED... but to each there own i suppose....

fuck this all...

i'm getting drunk and going home.......................

Well, I think maybe it's just...the fear of letting go of everything. Letting yourself fall into the rabbit hole, not knowing where it may lead, or what risks it may make. If this boy is WORTH it? Then I say jump. Who cares if you messed up before? We ALL make mistakes. But you learn from them, right? So if he's giving you another chance....take it?

i am still afraid.....

everything has gone to shit in my mind.. i think life has changed more .. and not really for the better, but, i don't think i really want to change it. i'm remotely happy other then the boy drama shit, and the normal fights, but other then that, i suppose i'm good. just passing by.but i still haven't come over fears, atleast i don't think i have, i have talked a little bit more of things out with hero.. and ect. but.. there is still a leangering feeling that just makes me think what if. yeah it has been everthing i have wanted lately, but i don't think i wished wisely.. see he tells me he truely loves me.. but at the same time i see it in him that he dosn't. Now on the other hand.. i have a think for ryan, the other kid out here, he said he -Wants- to start a relationship but idk. i just can't brake it off with hero. he has completely mind fucked me.. and i just can't say.. no... once again with the no subject ... yeah.. its just my ......

fears...

You tells us all about you, you tell us what we need, but you never tell me one thing that is true....

yet, he has not told me much about him, i still love him.. upsetting eh? well i will wait for him like nothing else, until the setting sun crumbles before my eyes, he is my everything right now, yet hes not. so much to think about.. but so much to forget, to much to regret and to much to love. Out here is so wonderful, with my fam with my hero, it all works wonders on my depression, but .... untill he forgets that i love him.

on the Lighter Side.......

We are gonna play D&D... bah.. i am playing hitman blood money... which is sooooo much better

OHHHHH DANG